Cooking for friends

For the longest time I wasn't interested in cooking. I only cooked enough to make food edible for myself, and even that felt like a complex project with little return.

After moving to Bangalore and finding my community, I started taking part in shared routines — hanging out, grocery runs, and informal gatherings. I moved to Bangalore to be closer to friends; to have a village you have to be a villager.

I have always struggled to find my role in groups, and that confusion followed me here. I'm handy with tools, but I also wanted to be someone who nurtures others. Fixing a cupboard or installing a router doesn't help when a friend is sick; feeding people does.

My friends have fed me more times than I care to count. As someone who has trouble receiving love, it bothered me that friends would go out of their way just to feed me. One day I noticed the genuine joy my friend experienced while cooking for others, and I realized they were truly happy doing it. I understand the joy; now I want to experience it too.

Actually cooking

I started to cook mostly to feed my friends. I think this is one of those things I can be good at. A couple of important lessons:

• Cooking is not as complicated as it seems. Look for underlying patterns and it starts to make sense.
• The fire is nothing to be afraid of — it's manageable. Things won't burn if you pay attention.
• Having everything prepared before you turn on the stove is a lifesaver.
• A heavy-bottomed saucepan is essential.

The joy

It's been a huge success. Turns out I'm not a terrible cook: I can make decent food and people tend to not hate it, which is more than I had hoped.

A couple of weeks ago I tried my most daring recipe yet: matar paneer. I learned a simple recipe from my friend's cook and for the first attempt I made a large batch for six people (I work well under controlled pressure).

It went very well. The house party was lovely and I slept proud that night knowing I had fed a bunch of my friends.

I finally understand why my mother cooks and how it feels. I can see myself doing more of this.

ok thnx bye!!!