Anything worth doing, is worth doing badly

For the largest part of my life I have been very very afraid of failing at things.

I have noticed that I do not hold space for myself to fail; even at things that I am just a beginner in.
What this means is that I do not allow myself to take risks or try out new things.
Especially in places where the cost of failure is high (according to whatever standard I seem to have).

Back to the roots

I trace this back to my school days when I was a young man who had not seen many winters yet. There was lot of focus on not failing at things. Success was measured by securing a good rank and anything short of success meant that the world had ended. Everything in life was tied to this hierarchy.

This is not really uncommon in places like India. A zero-sum scarcity based society often raises risk-averse people. The cost of failure is perceived to be too high.

A lot of hobbies

Anyone who knows me will know that I have a lot of hobbies / interests.

My relationship with my hobbies has always been very contentious.

I want to try new things. But I am not good at them, so I don't try new things.

I was so afraid of not being good at new hobbies that I would curate my interests to things I was good at or I could potentially be good at. I would not even attempt things that felt too out of reach.

This makes a rather bleak way to live life.

I want to try new things.
I want to get better at new things.
I want to suck at new things.

Calculated Risk Taking

All risk is not bad - I think we all know this.

One of the core principles that was taught during the Basic Mountaineering Course was the concept of assessing the risk of an expedition and then attempt it based on your capability. This meant that I had to be completely honest with myself regarding my own capability.

The mountain does not care for your hubris and more often than not, you will end up dead.

The art of calculated risk taking is a desirable trait I would say. I need to incorporate this more into my lifestyle.

Anything worth doing is worth doing badly

I came across this on the internet and it struck a chord.

I am learning how to hold space for me to fail.
I am learning how to fail gracefully and let myself grow.

Allowing myself to make mistakes and still do things (new things even) has been rather hard, but it is the beginning.

This mindset shift has been interesting.

I am much more happier when I am doing things.
I am much more satisfied with my progress.
I am much more excited with my future potential.